Christmas Is For Hustlers

How can something as hyped as the Christmas season possibly be underrated?

I’ll tell you why. Christmas is the most perfect time of year because at its core, it’s just a combination of everything I love about other holidays crunched into one gigantic super holiday.

Even at age 25, I still get excited on Christmas Eve. It provides the same excitement and anticipation level as New Year’s Eve, without being chased by the next day’s notoriously massive hangover.

Oh sure, I drink on Christmas Eve too, but it’s restrained drinking. Dare I say … responsible drinking.

Just like my birthday, I get presents. And boy, do I love me some presents. You know what’s great about Christmas presents? I don’t earn them. I didn’t turn another year older, I didn’t get a new job, I didn’t get married and I’m not having a baby. I simply exist, and that’s good enough for gift giving.

I eat as much on Christmas as I do on Thanksgiving as well.

I’m not kidding. On Thanksgiving I starve myself until dinner, so I can eat as much turkey as humanly possible. On Christmas, I eat from the moment I wake up on the 24th until the moment I fall asleep on the 25th. I chase breakfast with appetizers, with lunch, with snacks, with more appetizers, with dinner, with dessert, with cognac.

Yes, I am a glutton. I know this.

Sometimes, just for fun, I like to hide other people’s presents – just like Easter. It really adds to the suspense, and makes those who receive presents from me less aware they despise their gifts. Also, just like Halloween, I eat a healthy dose of candy and chocolate. I eat it until my face breaks out in an acne explosion and until I sleep for 22 hours in a diabetic coma.

– originally posted 12.24.2007 at The Love of Sports


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