Halloween is so hot.
I mean, does anybody dress in scary costumes anymore? Are you ever a ghoul or goblin or pumpkin or vampire or anything?
Shoot, last Halloween I was a sorority girl, and the year before that I was Colonel Sanders. I mean, I guess both those things could be considered frightening. But then again, you don’t really want to see me out of costume, either.
But, let’s pause for a minute and talk about Halloween from a young G’s perspective.
Halloween’s the greatest day of the year, because every girl between the ages of 17 and 37 (and sometimes even younger, I know I’m getting old because I’m sitting here cursing out 14 year-olds dressed as a pole-dancing Miley Cyrus and thinking ‘I wouldn’t let my kid go out in that. Those parents must be trash!’ Then I realize their mom is standing next to me dressed as Sexy Kuntakinte.) uses this day as a certifiable excuse to dress in as little clothing as humanly possible for the sake of being in “costume.” It’s excellent. See here, here and here for more details.
You ask your ladyfriends, “What are you going to be for Halloween?” And they all answer the same thing:
“Ohhh I dunno … I’m going to be a sexy bunny, a sexy teacher, a sexy devil, a sexy kitten, a sexy witch, a sexy ceiling fan, a sexy razorblade, a sexy Stephen Hawking.”
You see what they do? They throw sexy in front of every costume, which essentially means they forget to do up the top seven buttons, or they show up in a bondage outfit. Awesome.
It’s like Mardi Gras without the beads. It’s Valentine’s Day without the chocolate and pretense. Yes, it’s just girls … all sexed up … looking for action, and definitely not from me. Going for a “girls night out as long as we don’t meet anybody we’d like to follow back to their place.”
Yeah, I’ll take you home, babe. But only if you keep the light-up horns on top of your head and smack me with your scepter.
I’ve always wanted to feel like I was kissing a triceratops with an S&M fetish while high on LSD.
What, you haven’t?