2009 – The Year in Status, Part III: Interpretative Musings based on Actual Events

If nothing else, 2009 was the year of the zinger. A popular place to toss off snappy, witty one-liners is the Facebook Status Update. Over the next few posts, we’ll present to you the very best. Feel free to add your own below …

When ’09 heard we were ringing it in … it ran out and skipped straight to 2010.

Jesus pandashit, that’s a lot of people.

YES WE CAN … slack off at work to watch history.

“Time travel … it CAN happen. it WILL happen.”

So, wait, did he just give a speech about the Arizona Cardinals?

A jewish violinist, an asian cellist and a black clarinet player walk into a bar …

Obamageddon: Musical Score by John Williams.

Wait a minute … did I not say John Williams earlier? Everybody drink.

Anybody other than Aretha would have been criminal. But, yikes, it wouldn’t hurt to skip second helpings every now and again.

I think the cartoon photos where you tag your friends clearly indicate all our brains have turned to mush. Aliens, go ahead … have our planet.

The snoutbreak has begun . . . Hamdemic 09: The tastiest way to mass extinction!

Corruption? In New Jersey? Next you’re going to tell me Long Island’s loaded with douchebags.

The problem with studying history is you only study political history. If ever there was an arena where nothing ever happened – its in politics. Its like studying a loud industrial fan. Makes noise, goes in circles, blows a lot of air.

Conservatives: Cornering the market on psuedo-morality and pundit extremism since 2003.

HI! BILLY MAYS HERE!! EVER THINK ‘I LOVE THE CLUMSINESS OF BINGE DRINKING, BUT I WANT TO FEIGN EMPATHY AND GRIND MY TEETH FOR 35 MINUTES WHILE TRYING TO BONE EVERYONE WITHOUT SHAME AND BREATHE SLOWER THAN A RHINO??’ WELL, NOW YOU CAN. OXY-COKE IS HERE!! THATS RIGHT, ITS CRUSHED OXYCOTIN AND A GRAM OF COCAINE IN THE SAM…E BAG! ITS A PARTY PLEASER. IT CAN SILENCE ME, AND IT’LL HAVE YOU FOAMING AT THE MOUTH!!

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