2009 – The Year in Status, Part V: Sometimes I watch too much sports

If nothing else, 2009 was the year of the zinger. A popular place to toss off snappy, witty one-liners is the Facebook Status Update. Over the next few posts, we’ll present to you the very best. Feel free to add your own below …

Alright, but that Gonzaga-WKU game was the virgiin mary’s titties.

Looks like Boeheim is going to have to get Win #800 against Eastern Long Island Tech in the Preseason Papa John’s Invitational next year.

Syracuse dropping enough bricks to build the world’s biggest pizza oven.

Blake Griffin kidnaps crippled children and feeds them pureed puppies. Prick.

Re: Last night’s 15-inning miscarriage … I haven’t been that disturbed and upset with an ending since Requiem for a Dream.

Breaking News: Red Sox send John Smoltz back to the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History. The Mastodon exhibit went 3-4 with two doubles and an RBI.

Brett Favre. You self-aggrandizing drama queen. I hope you throw six picks in Week 1 and blow out your ACL in Week 9. I’ve had enough. Get off my TV screen.

Roy Halladay is only slightly more fallible than God. Or plutonium. Or Keith Richards.

Off to attend the Bills game. Resting the starters! Half-empty stadium! No tailgating! Preseason football … it’s FANNNN-TASTIC!

Dick Jauron: For when second best is simply too much to ask.

Stockholm Syndrome = Being a Bills fan.

Every time Trent Edwards checks down, God kills a kitten.

22 first downs. 22 penalties. 4-22 combined record since November 2008. Clash of the Titans!!

You know what’s as awesome as Bills-Browns 2009? Interventions. Tax audits. British cuisine. Miscarriages. Christmas albums from overrated pop stars. Ethnic cleansing.

Are you having a stroke? Look for: Drooping Face. Drifting arms. Slurred speech. Troubles with comprehension. In other words … are you Tim McCarver?

WOOHOOOO!!!! The dealer won again in Blackjack!!1! U2 won a grammy!!1!!! Steven Spielberg won an Oscar!!!!!! HOOORAYYYYYYY UNDERDOGS EVERYWHERE!!!!

The Bills have allowed 101 points in the 4th quarter this season. They’ve scored 140 points in ALL quarters all year. Nobody’s been that pathetic with the pressure on since Budd Dwyer.

While you weren’t looking, Chris Johnson slept with your wife and abducted your six year-old. Oh, and he stabbed your puppy, too.

Buffalo Bills run defense presented to you by Lunesta.

The last time the Bills scored two touchdowns in a half … I called my Mom … on a rotary telephone.

Trent Edwards … more impotent than a drunk 80-year old schizophrenic parapelegic on codeine in a room full of AIDS victims.

Watching Bills / Dolphins. It’s kinda like watching a war video retrospective … if you’re French.

Ryan Fitzpatrick … as accurate as Helen Keller with a wet AK-47.

The Bills and Patriots have a rivalry … like a tornado and a trailer park do.

Let the Brian Brohm era begin!! An illustrious time in our nation’s history … like the Gerald Ford presidency.


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