2009 – The Year in Status, Part VII: Half-Baked Humor

If nothing else, 2009 was the year of the zinger. A popular place to toss off snappy, witty one-liners is the Facebook Status Update. Over the next few posts, we’ll present to you the very best. Feel free to add your own below …

I want to create a facebook group: 1,000,000 strong for the end of 1,000,000 strong groups.

A burrito is the perfect food because it can be whatever you want it to be. There are no limits to what you can stuff inside a tortilla.

Someone once told me I was a bad in bed. And I was like, “How’d you know I have trouble sleeping?”

You know my favorite candy? Twix. Every time you finish one, there’s another candy bar waiting for you.

The future’s just an endless string of presents.

My favorite dinosaur? Thesaurus.

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

I got a new job with the local hostage negotiators and tried to phone in sick, but they somehow talked me out of it.

Ever hear of an Australian kiss? It’s like a French kiss, but down under.

What do Laundry and Urban Planning have in common? You CAN mix colors and whites if the fabric is tolerant.

I went on a date with a radiologist. I know it was only the first meeting, but I felt like she could see right through me.

Actual pick-up line from water droplet to coffee ground: “You stimulate me.”

Two thanksgiving turkeys were sharing their last meal together. One says to the other, “Man … if this is it, I’m gonna treat myself right. More lobster rolls?” The other turkey sheds a tear and pushes his plate away. “No thanks … I’m stuffed.”

Mama coffee bean to kid coffee bean: “That’s it … you’re grounded!”

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