3 random life observations that are probably true but make you sound crazy for saying them (and by you, I mean me)

1. Humans have two goals. To eat and to procreate. Achieving these two end goals are the desired outcomes of whatever means you choose. Any means used that inhibits someone else’s ability achieve same listed goals is considered evil’ or ‘bad.’ Question to ask yourself: Is ‘bad’ a human-created construct? Follow-up question:  Are morals merely a form of social control designed to level the playing field between those who have a nagging conscience and those who do not? Perhaps there is no actual benefit to being ‘good’ vs. being ‘bad.’ Perhaps ‘bad’ is a more effective tour guide for leading us to where we want to go.

2. The best of everything will rarely be available to us. Because the best of anything generally doesn’t turn a profit. What gains mass release has mostly been watered-down to appeal to the least-common denominator, so that it vaguely appeals to as many as possible without being so appealing to some as to alienate the others. Examples: Beer (helllooooooo Bud, Coors, Miller!), Music (Lady Gaga, Black Eyed Peas), Movies (A F**KING FOURTH MEET THE PARENTS?), Television (all the great shows are now on premium cable), etc, etc. If you really want to enjoy the best of something, you must go on a quest for it. The more arduous, the better.

3. If you don’t earn a lot of money, you’re probably wanted dead. Junk food is cheaper than health food. It costs money to join a gym. Health remedies of all kinds cost an arm and a leg. Vitamins and supplements are through the roof. Soda is cheaper than juice. Safer cars, hybrids – both more expensive. Nice housing in safe neighborhoods generally prices out the poor. Jobs with great benefits generally go hand-in-hand with jobs that pay well.  It costs way more to keep yourself alive than it does to kill yourself slowly.  “BUT EP! CIGARETTES ARE EXPENSIVE!” Yes, they are that way so that you will continue to be poor and can kill yourself by only eating Ramen and Cheese Salt every day till you’re 53.

If you’ll excuse me, I need to get re-fitted for my tin-foil cap. Thank you.

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