Hi, my name is John, and I’m a Buffalo Bills fan.
My team has gone an entire decade since their last playoff appearance, and has had four head coaches, seven offensive coordinators and eight starting quarterbacks in that same time frame. They play in the second-smallest market in the NFL, receive no national media coverage, and have won exactly one game against the division rival New England Patriots since 2000.
The Bills have done nothing to shore up the quarterback and offensive line positions, their biggest glaring weaknesses from last year’s 6-10 squad, yet the new GM and Coach spent their first-round draft choice on a Felix Jones-type scatback, although they had two thousand-yard rushers already on the roster.
We ran Terrell Owens out of town, and he was a model citizen.
In short, they’re totally going to suck. Like epically, completely, Mariah Carey in Glitter or the AIDS epidemic in sub-Saharan Africa suck.
I went to a preseason game this past Saturday, where they beat the Cincinnati Bengals, 35-20. It was the first time I’d seen the Bills win a game – of any kind – in person in seven seasons. I’ve been to 10 games. The game I just saw doesn’t count.
How starved are we for success? This happened.
In the second quarter. With the score tied at 14. In a preseason game.
When prognosticators are universally projecting your team to finish dead last in your division, and win somewhere in the neighborhood of three games all year, and one of your home games is being played in a foreign country, and there’s no doubt your team will relocate once your 90 year-old owner finally croaks, you’ll do most anything to take your mind off the action at hand.
That’ll just about wrap up today’s action. We’ll see you again tomorrow. Preseason football: CATCH THE FEVER.