How to Live Forever (A Beginner’s Guide)


When I die, I hope you remember my words.

I hope you form an unimpeachable anthology, augmented with sketches and director’s commentary and deleted scenes and bonus features. I hope I make the front page of Reddit and they declare it “Learn to be Happy Without Being Satisified Day” in Evansville, Indiana.

But, God as my witness on the day I hope to meet him, I never decided to be a writer. Continue reading


The Way We Were

The fire hall bell means 6-o’-clock, it’s time to come home. Irv is on, chicken’s off the grill.

Summers spent rampaging house to house, hopping pool to pool, forming ever-larger pickup games of baseball till the evening’s final light. No fences. No enemies. Just kids, racing each other around a neighborhood named for a man who built the homes that housed us all. Continue reading

I don’t wanna grow up …

Toys ‘R’ Us said it best. “I don’t wanna grow up.”

Getting old is harder than sterling silver dipped in liquid nitrogen.  I often find myself staring into the deep gray abyss of the twilight and wondering if this is it. If life exists to simply amass a small fortune, raise a family and perish – leaving behind a legacy if you’re lucky, but more often than not, generally fading away like a solar system that’s lost it’s sun.

Continue reading

There’s no such thing as a free drink.


Some minor history was made last night. I did something I’ve never done in 31 years.

But, before I get to that, I should inform you that I’m (mostly) Sicilian. You’ve met Central Casting Dagos like me before. Sexy. Loquacious. Pretty big into artichoke. If you’re ever at an epic bash at a Sicilian’s household, you know damn sure to do three things: Continue reading

10 pieces of advice I would’ve given to myself 10 years ago.


In order of importance. Possibly.

10. Grades don’t matter. Relationships do. Communicate with purpose. Talk to everyone. Walk through every open door and kick down all the closed ones. Go to class and befriend your teachers, classmates and the gal who makes your Venti Vanilla Chai. You never know what might happen.

Continue reading