Thirtyist: 8. State of the Union


When I turned 18, I registered to vote. And that was the worst idea I ever had. Continue reading


To Lorrie Goldstein, F**k You. Love, Sanity.


Perhaps you’re unfamiliar with Lorrie Goldstein. That’s fine. We’re not here to skewer his career.

Perhaps you’re unfamiliar with gang violence in Canada’s largest city. That’s fine. We’re not here to skewer Toronto.

Perhaps you’re unfamiliar with the specifics of how the Toronto Sun commissions and crafts opinion columns. That’s fine, too. We’re not here to skewer The Sun.

We’re here to talk about this. We’re here to talk about a flaming pile of editorial panda-shit dropped by The Sun, showing a complete lack of education in pre-cursors for societal ills and also exhibiting scathing shreds of racism, sexism, xenophobia, bigotry, self-righteousness.

If you’re unfamiliar with how we do this, we basically ripped this idea off Fire Joe Morgan. So, I’ll be signing my $4 in royalties over to them immediately.

Italics are his words. The rest are mine. Let’s go: Continue reading

Thousands Gather in Support of Global Warming

MINNEAPOLIS – It’s been widely speculated that this winter, one of the coldest on record, has caused citizens of the Canadian Shield, Northeast and our nation’s heartland to become enraged.

Now, we see visual evidence of the toll this winter’s taken on our nation’s fragile psyche.

Thousands of protesters stormed a residential park just outside the Twin Cities Thursday afternoon to rally in support of global warming and wage war against continued eco-friendly legislation. Continue reading

U.S. Govt writes itself another check for $1.9T, moves closer to purchase of the sun.

WASHINGTON – Senate Democrats passed legislation Thursday to permit the government to write a check for $1.9 trillion of money that doesn’t yet exist.

The measure puts the projected national debt total at $14.3 trillion, or roughly the equivalent of the gross aggregate of all the money everyone in the United States will earn this year pre-tax.

But don’t you fret … there’s a calculated method to the monetary madness. The U.S. Government has a fool-proof plan to dig us out of debt quickly: By 2013, we’ll have printed enough fake paper value to purchase the sun. Continue reading

Stockholm Syndrome: Why Do Native Buffalonians Get So Defensive About Their City? An Examination.


I just heard it again.

“Buffalo is a great place to raise a family.”

Yeah, the Addams Family. The Jackson Family. The Manson Family.

Hey, I’m a native, too – and I don’t think it’s that bad here, but Holy Denial can we get a little perspective up in this place? Let’s stir the cauldron of controversy and see what bubbles up. Ready? OKAY! Continue reading